DJing tonight at the Applebee’s on West Colfax, laying down a sleazy set of Mark Almond and Aphex remixes and American Idol highlights from YouTube. The prom girls go absolute A-1 ape-balls and offer me unseemly Activites which I — as a Gentleman — refuse, sealing the Velcro on my cargo shorts. Sure enough I’m alone at the end of the evening, only my Triple Chocolate Meltdown to keep me company. Dirty, sweet company.