lonelysandwich:

There’s only one movie poster at the Sandwich office and it hangs behind my desk (seen here)—a gorgeous Argentinean edition of my favorite ninja movie, 1983’s “Revenge of the Ninja”. Keep that in the back of your mind.

Today, NBC News is launching a brand new version of their Breaking News app, and they brought me in to make a video for it. Their whole thing is quality news you can trust, not a bunch of garbage. It’s based in a time-honored respect for journalism that reminded me of the old titans of news: Edward R. Murrow, David Brinkley, Walter Cronkite. So I pitched the client on the idea of having one of those salty old news guys present their app as the savior of news. And bless their hearts, they let me do it. So I enlisted my talented writing friend Joshua Allen to give the character a voice, and the next step was casting our news man.

Here’s the fun part.

Casting is never easy in these videos we make. Never. But every once in a while, a brilliant actor, a master of the craft who you recognize as having played the villain in your favorite ninja movie walks through the door to the audition and you try not to lose your shit, you try to pretend you don’t know who he is, but you know that voice, you know those wise, charmingly menacing eyes. This man is Arthur Roberts and he’s played a major part in your subconscious since the 3rd grade. He’s informed some important archetypes for you, as a storyteller. He’s Arthur Roberts.

So you cast him, of course. And he is simply a joy to work with. A gentleman and an artist and a pro in every sense of the word.

Breaking News. What a world.

This is probably the most fun I’ve ever had writing a script, and as a bonus I got to be on set while they shot it, like a real fancy gent!

When Adam was describing the character I was like “Oh OK so I should basically write it in my own voice.” And he said “Well I didn’t want to come right out and say it.”

jez-burrows:

So here’s this. A teaser for our new book, You Are The Friction. Scott C. offered up his illustration to Joshua Allen, who wrote a story about it, which Roman Mars read, and Tom Rosenthal scored. Scott and Josh are just two of 24 hugely talented contributors to the book, and I am giddy with excitement for you all to see it. 

Very excited for this to be out in the world next month. Lots of great writers and artists in this thing but I feel especially #blessed that I got matched up with Scott C. [high fives the universe in its stupid face]

[yawn] [stretch] [delete everything I ever posted on the internet]

Henry Texas Comes Alive!

My pal Ken Flagg is writing a new song every week for 52 weeks. Desperate, he asked if I’d write something and record myself reading it so he could skip coming up with lyrics for a week. Some of the stories I posted here recently were aborted attempts at that, but we decided the one about Henry, Texas could work.

Give it a listen and check out his other tunes while you’re there. They’re not all super creepy!

This tweet has only been in my life for three months now but I know we will be together forever.

This tweet has only been in my life for three months now but I know we will be together forever.

Remember App.net, the $50 Twitter? (I think it’s cheaper than that now.) I signed up for it because I sign up for everything in the hopes that it will be that one elusive thing that will somehow solve all my problems..?

Anyway the people I followed seemed to look at is as a fresh start from their Twitter personas. Everyone was really excited to be earnest, which is still going on a year later.

I’m never excited to be earnest, but I did take the opportunity to abandon all my Twitter rules (which at this point have prevented me from posting anything at all there) and remind myself that, like any half-decent text box, you can type anything you want into it.

If you follow the link below you’ll get set up with a free account to see what’s what. Maybe you’ll type earnest things, maybe you’ll type a picture of a penis with letters. Maybe there’s a third option I haven’t even considered.

https://join.app.net/from/fireland

Remember App.net, the $50 Twitter? (I think it’s cheaper than that now.) I signed up for it because I sign up for everything in the hopes that it will be that one elusive thing that will somehow solve all my problems..?

Anyway the people I followed seemed to look at is as a fresh start from their Twitter personas. Everyone was really excited to be earnest, which is still going on a year later.

I’m never excited to be earnest, but I did take the opportunity to abandon all my Twitter rules (which at this point have prevented me from posting anything at all there) and remind myself that, like any half-decent text box, you can type anything you want into it.

If you follow the link below you’ll get set up with a free account to see what’s what. Maybe you’ll type earnest things, maybe you’ll type a picture of a penis with letters. Maybe there’s a third option I haven’t even considered.

https://join.app.net/from/fireland

Welcome to the latest installment of MyGiene or Bathroominations or ToileTreats or My Many Smells or I dunno I’m still workshopping the title.

As you all know, I’ve been an Old Spice man since small times, often smacking a generous handful of aftershave upon my prepubescent cheeks before letting a young lady beat me at Tempest. And the scent of its musk deodorant will always transport me, madeleine-style, to the night I became a man in Yosemite National Park (picnic, lightning, a glimpse of one boob off in the distance).

And I’ve gone on record about my turgid enthusiasm for the look of the Fresh Collection, such as DENALI, which I feel is something Indiana Jones would keep in his dopp kit alongside his stubble trimmer and whip wax and no condoms.

This enthusiasm extended to the Wild Collection and I eagerly snatched up the WOLFTHORN edition, assuming it would give me the heady scent of your average Tywin Lannister, say: hot blood, leather sweat, hooer stank, etc.

So you can imagine my disappointment when the resulting odor was playful, insouciant, even fruity. And I do not idly dispose of unused toiletries so I have stuck it out with this thing for weeks, doing untold damage to my rep in the Denver area.

It gets worse. I picked up the new soap from the Fresh Collection, in its signature FIJI scent. My hands trembled as I delicately opened the box with my coke nail. But the bar inside looked like the misshapen bone of some rightfully extinct dinosaur dick. Flat on one side, way too arched on the other, it neither felt comfortable when held in the hand nor when erotically stroked along my manly pink skin. Plus it didn’t wash off too good and smelled sort of yuk, which made me wonder if my devotion to Fresh was purely aesthetic.

So it’s back to Dove MEN+CARE for me, whose gentle, feminine curves and rejuvenating stench continue to be a delight.

Let me conclude, as always, with a shameful admission. For about five years I abandoned Old Spice entirely for … for Axe Dry. I know. But despite the shitty-tattoo design and wretched reputation of its Body Spray, the various smells of its deodorants were distinctive yet subtle, much like myself. I feel them calling to me even now.

Thus I find myself at an impasse, pit-wise.

My Teenage T-shirts

Back then I liked everything from college rock to alternative rock!!

(My mom paid me five bucks to never wear that Nirvana shirt again. She used it as a dust rag.)

About ten years ago, kfan wrote this:

When I’m old, here’s how I’m going to describe the early 21st century: We were always having to provide people with content.

I’m thinking the 2013 version might be: We were always wanting people to ask us something, anything.

(Source: angelablack)

On the eve of turning 30 I wrote this in an attempt to summarize my twenties in my preferred style at the time: wordy, impressionistic, allusive, trying too hard, not particularly honest.

Last night, on the eve of turning 40, I thought I’d try the same thing. But as the depressing bullet points piled up I was like: You know what? My thirties were a real shitshow. Sort of on every level? So let’s just wrap that whole decade up in tinfoil and toss it in the back of the freezer and let’s get started again.

On the eve of turning 30 I wrote this in an attempt to summarize my twenties in my preferred style at the time: wordy, impressionistic, allusive, trying too hard, not particularly honest.

Last night, on the eve of turning 40, I thought I’d try the same thing. But as the depressing bullet points piled up I was like: You know what? My thirties were a real shitshow. Sort of on every level? So let’s just wrap that whole decade up in tinfoil and toss it in the back of the freezer and let’s get started again.

kfan:

My new book, Magical Neon Sexuality, is now available.

It features ~12~ stories of passion and longing, wrapped inside a majestically beautiful cover image by Maré Odomo.

Are you interested in heroic tales of Taylor Swift’s revenge against an evil boyfriend? Are you concerned with the intricacies of human-Pokémon romance? Do you sometimes lie awake at night, fairly certain that Selena Gomez represents humanity’s best line of defense against the inevitable zombie apocalypse? Well then perhaps this is the book you’ve been waiting for, your whole entire life.

Magical Neon Sexuality is $8 in the US ($9 Canada, $10 World) and it ships right away, go get it

If you’re looking for something to feverishly, desperately thrust into a stocking this holiday season, your looky is over. BONUS: Now I’ll finally learn who Taylor Momsen is!

The Infinite Jukebox is so up my alley it’s … uncomfortable. It analyzes any song you want and then plays it back, moving between similar-sounding parts to make a seamless remix that keeps changing and never ends.

Or! It’s not seamless at all and makes all sorts of screwy decisions! Or! It gets stuck in a little four-second loop forever! I find the weird mess-ups even more endearing than when it all works perfectly. Poor li’l robot. It tries its best.

The Infinite Jukebox is so up my alley it’s … uncomfortable. It analyzes any song you want and then plays it back, moving between similar-sounding parts to make a seamless remix that keeps changing and never ends.

Or! It’s not seamless at all and makes all sorts of screwy decisions! Or! It gets stuck in a little four-second loop forever! I find the weird mess-ups even more endearing than when it all works perfectly. Poor li’l robot. It tries its best.

(Source: kottke.org)