What is your deal.

I'm serious what.

May 22
“I had my dad’s broken-down four-track machine and a little Casio SK-1 sampler. After The Cosby Show, when Stevie Wonder was on [in 1986], everybody had to have one of those. Bill Cosby really jump-started hip-hop culture. That one Cosby episode, every well-known producer I know, that’s the event that changed their lives, but everybody is just ashamed to say it. That was the first time America got to see a sampler.” ?uestlove, in an absolutely terrific long-form interview with Charles Aaron in the new issue of SPIN. (via perpetua)
Posted at 9:46am

May 21

Rejected Twitter Post No. 5551212

Someone stole the cockatiel right off my shoulder! I can’t catch them in these heels! Why oh why did I leave my blowgun in the Escalade?
Posted at 3:16pm

May 20
I’m told the post on the left contains selections from my heartbreaking 1998 essay entitled Lick My Literary Ass, You Vile Fucks. You’ve come a long way baby J/K you’re still doing the same old. (via catbird)

I’m told the post on the left contains selections from my heartbreaking 1998 essay entitled Lick My Literary Ass, You Vile Fucks.

You’ve come a long way baby J/K you’re still doing the same old.

(via catbird)
Posted at 4:47pm

Rejected Twitter Post No. 8

That homeless guy who sleeps on my car? Well he and I are wearing the same jeans today and his ass looks about a zillion times hotter. Grr!
Posted at 11:21am

May 19

Rejected Twitter Post No. 2020

Just found a Post-It wedged in my navel that says: “Lose weight and take more showers!!” OMG it’s dated 4/24/05!!!!!

Posted at 1:42pm

May 16

Rejected Twitter Post No. 808

I’m sorry but I would be FLATTERED if someone called me a “backhoe.” Fine, whatever. HR already has me on speed-dial.
Posted at 12:02pm

May 15

Rejected Twitter Post No. 90211

The VP is in the Samurai Suite. Three concubines snore, still clutching their kaiken. He’s never felt better in his whole life!
Posted at 10:09pm

Rejected Twitter Post No. 1138

ROBOT PENIS! YOU GUYS! IT’S CALLING FROM INSIDE THE CONDO!!!! Sigh it’s nice to be able to use italics.
Posted at 9:23pm

May 10
I was listening to Surfer Rosa for the first time in a while, and it was super-loud, and it made my right ear distort at times, and I decided that this particular album ruined a very specific range of hearing back in high school, when it was played super-loud every single day.
Posted at 1:28pm

May 6

GEENA DAVIS NUDE

About 99% of the hits to my website come from people looking for naked pictures of Geena Davis (and I’m all: Wha? People still know who Geena Davis is?) and I guess I’m sort of pleased that this is the picture that they are forced to download into their UH NO PORN IN HERE MOM NOPE folder.
Posted at 8:28pm

Rejected Twitter Post No. 90125

If you can’t prove in a court of law that we didn’t have sex last night, then we did. Yeah well I’m still updating the spreadsheet.
Posted at 11:20am