January 2012
11 posts
“Susan. Suuuuusan what is up.”
“Dude are you even smelling that air right now?”
“You know me, I’ve been smelling it for like half an hour.”
“Makes my nips go blammo.”
“Yeah and oh speaking of, quick quiz: Did you or did you not get the mixtape I made especially for you? Yes, no, maybe, all of the above?”
“The one you...
Things Angela Black Says #245
“Lady Chowdersnatch in the Pantry with the AssBlasster2011.”
I put a comforting hand on Diamond’s bare shoulder and she spun around and had her Erasermate a millimeter away from my eye in two breaths.
“I want to do this,” she said.
“I understand,” I said, “but you doing that will give me license to retaliate and I tend to, you know, escalate.”
And she hesitated, motionless, our eyes locked, until finally: “Your counter-threat of escalation only...
The hawk lands upon my outstretched arm. I unroll the message affixed to its leg: did you get the email i sent y/n. I angrily throw the note to the ground and the hawk takes wing with an irritated squawk.
I glower at the slumbering city, fists clenched. Suddenly, the sky explodes in a riot of color. I cower in terror but then slowly stand back up as I see the fireworks spell out HEY DID YOU GET...
“Would you say I’m beautiful? A beautiful person?”
“I’d say it, sure.”
“Do you think my beauty distracts people from noticing my other good points?”
“No way.”
“My sense of humor, my fierce loyalty.”
“You walk in a room people say now there’s someone who’s fiercely loyal. Finally.”
...
“I wrote a poem about you in my miniature notebook. Wanna hear it? OK.”
“You what? Who are you?”
“Name’s Josh. It’s mostly about your breasts but in a kind of metaphorical poetry way? Like for example here I call them chest balls.”
“Great well this is my stop.”
“I know.”
The goon pats me down and finds the oyster knife taped to my coccyx. “Thought you said you was unarmed,” he says, voice like a broken down retard factory.
“I said that because I didn’t want you to know I had a knife,” I say. “In case I needed to stab you?”
“I thought we was friends.”
“We are friends! We hugged like ten seconds...
