Things I Said Out Loud To Myself Tonight
I wonder if I’ll die if I eat this whole bag of beef jerky. This? [gesturing to the empty room] This is not tenable. I thought that was Yoda but that ain’t no fuckin Yoda.
1998-1999: Kinda shitty!
I just stumbled on a diary I kept in the late 90s. Here are some excerpts: I got a Nintendo last week which was yet another in a hugely long line of bad ideas. Applebee’s: I’ve never been to one of these — and yet I have. Basically Chili’s. This party was a wholly miserable experience because of all the Web people. Bart wasn’t there, sadly, but I saw his redecoration of my...
Twitter First Draft No. 006
Last night I went against my better judgment and wrote a Harry Potter tweet. It relied too much on knowing Harry Potter stuff to get the “joke” but whatever, the Venn diagram of Harry Potter people and Twitter people is basically a big fat zero. But before I got to the final draft I went over here: I’m sorry I yelled out someone else’s name while we were boning but...
H. S. Bhabra
In college I took a couple creative writing classes and one of them was taught by this guy Hargurchet Bhabra. On the first day he strutted in wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses and just stood there for a while, staring at us, then took some plates out of his briefcase and smashed them on the floor. He said: “Write about what just happened.” Another day one of my classmates...
So I Guess This Is What I Use Google+ For
I sketched a man on the bus this morning. He caught my attention because he looked like he’d seen terrible things in his life, things he’d locked up inside himself but which escaped, from time to time, through his eyes, and because he had a sizable erection. I sketched the erection first because I’m good at those, and then the haunted eyes, and then the bikini top. My pencil...
Jimmy: I wanted a place just like Xanadu but without such a dorky name.
Lisa: So whatdya call it?
Jimmy: Fort Awesome.