January 2010
18 posts
The Pogues / USA
atsween asked: Peanut butter: melee or missile weapon?
1 tag
Blind DMs
Here are some private messages I sent to people on Twitter. WHO am I talking to? WHAAAAAAT are we talking about??? OOOOOOH I’LL NEVER TELL NEVER NEVER EVER DON’T YOU EVEN THINK IT!
+ + +
I will never be able to wash the phrase “haunches dewy and heaving” out of my brain. Thanks.
uh i may not know you but i saw your boobs one time so there
Moving on, why did you...
1 tag
Favorite Favorites 2009
aedison / Actually, it’s pronounced “pedant.”
erikprice / You people aren’t going to believe what the Indians used to call corn.
jasonpermenter / I know Thanksgiving’s a few days away, but I just don’t know if I can wait to hand out smallpox blankets to the neighborhood kids!
JephKelley / At a wine tasting. Haha more like wine “gulping” the way...
Raoul
One day my kids brought home a male prostitute. “Can we keep him?” they cried. I folded my arms and said: “Are you going to feed him and play with him?” They were like: “Yes, Daddy, yes, of course!” I gave him a good long look, lingering for a moment on his gold lamé short shorts. “Oh all right,” I said, “but if he dies I’m not making a...
It's Tuesday Night So You Know What That Means
“Princess Leia! You will tell me the location of your hidden rebel base! I bet it’s in your panties!”
“Please don’t use that word.”
“That’s it! Bring in … the probe droid.”
“Hang on a sec.”
“What’s a matter, princess? Scared of the feelings my probe droid gives you? Titillated by the prospect of being...
“i *love* editing…if i had the time, i’d erase everything i’ve...”
– Kristin Hersh
rolandfox-deactivated20120116 asked: Did you hear that Prince is doing Purple Rain 3? HAHA J/K but seriously, what is your favorite curse word?
lisarahmat asked: Is there a guide book on how to be you?
Q*AP
Future Me: [smashes through the living room window]
Today Me: Holy gosh!
FM: It’s me! Future You!
TM: Future Me?
FM: The fuck did I just say.
TM: OK, um, language?
FM: I use terrible language in the future. But if you’d seen what I’ve seen, you’d let the Q-bombs fly, too.
TM: I … what is the Q-bomb again?
FM: Quap. Maybe the worst thing you could ever...
1 tag
1 tag
Mister Horn is delivering the third of six ultimatums when Sam steps up.
“Glad your momma finally gave you permission to come down here,” Horn says. His gang moves in close, and Sam is charmed to see a pair of brass knuckles and a blackjack amongst their weaponry.
“My apologies,” Sam says. “She is a cantankerous old lass.”
“Don’t worry, I know...
