October 2009
21 posts
September 2009
19 posts
I’ve got a new One-Act Business Meeting over at The Denver Egotist today. I hope you like it.
- - -
FRANK: Thanks for coming, everyone. Sorry about the last-minute notice.
ANNA: Just tell us who’s fired.
FRANK: No one’s—
KURT: My wife’s pregnant so it better not be me.
MITCH: Your wife is not pregnant.
KURT: She’s—she will be pregnant. Tonight. I can make that happen.
Burial / Archangel
Hand to god, I had a dream about Luckyshirt last night. He said I didn’t look like he’d thought I’d look and I said he looked exactly how I thought he’d look because I’d seen ten million pictures. I’m trying to make this sound not-gay. Anyway I was introducing him to my friend and realized I had no idea what his real name was. When I said “and this is,...
CREEPY BEATLES OK
Like many white people, I’ve been listening to a lot of Beatles this week. And then reading a lot of opinions about the Beatles. It reminds me of when I first started drinking and it suddenly became extremely important that I communicate to everyone in the room how great this band is. And then I totally got laidn’t!
Anyway I agree with the people who say Abbey Road is the best one...
The Stormtrooper
I march into a costume shoppe and say I need a Prince costume, immediately.
The woman behind the counter smells of fake fur. She says: Which prince? I roll my eyes and say: Uh, Prince? His Royal Badness? Specifically Purple Rain–era. Long purple coat with a chrome thing on the shoulder. You know. Frilly shirt, high heels. I will provide my own eyeliner and faint mustache.
She says: I really...
1 tag
First Draft Twitter No. 003
I think I blew this one:
“At the Sears Portrait Studio, trying to decide between Police Lineup and Uncle McFeely’s Rec Room.”
Other contenders included:
NASCAR Coke Party
Mom’s Boyfriend’s Basement
CBGB Bathroom
Nam Flashback
Opium Den With Novelty Hookah
Dead Ringers Operating Theater
Grandma’s Dimly Lit Living Room With Candy Bowl And Overlarge...
Spoon / Everything Hits at Once (Outro Loop)
...
The Connection
The bar where I write is called The Connection. I like it because it’s dark and next door to the BBQ place. The men are quiet except maybe once an hour when they get really extremely loud. It reeks of sour deodorant. Good Times is usually on the TV, muted.
You can’t get beer there, and I like that, too. Guy who runs the place will make any cocktail as long as there are two ingredients or fewer....
1 tag
Here’s a little promo I made for the latest...