August 2009
20 posts
Making the Clackity Noise
merlin:
I genuinely enjoy looking at oversaturated pictures of coltish women I’ll never meet. I’m always game to make fun of “improperly” punctuated “signs.” And God knows I love reading (and posting) elliptical quotes from famous books I never finished reading. Stipulated.
But, brother. Do I ever wish more people would write little stories like Buffering’s. It’s just so wonderful. You...
The Truest Form of Omakase
CORNELIUS: They also have ice in the urinals here. You might enjoy that.
TÉODOR: I would! Do they have a cologne guy?
CORNELIUS: Yes. Here’s a dollar. He likes dollars.
TÉODOR: [Silently pockets dollar, makes no motion of getting up, begins to cut another piece of his steak]
CORNELIUS: Well, I’m glad we did this! You will find that this restaurant accepts payment. [Wipes mouth on napkin,...
Beck / Lazy Flies
Lazy flies all hovering above...
Your Camisole Was a Sprightly Light Magenta
Well since you asked, the whole band thing is not going well. Brandon’s mom’s basement smells nothing like King Crimson. No one seems to share my Vision, or appreciate that it wields a capital V. Does no one understand the evocative power of the Mellotron? Does no one understand that we can get plenty of “pussy” with a three-part suite about an alien who drowns in the toxic...
1 tag
He's a Maneater
You know how sometimes you’ll post something on Twitter and it will include a phrase like, say, “mustache wet with tears,” and then some people will start using that phrase in the haiku they write on a community haiku-writing website? (Because I guess those exist?) No of course not because that would be insane.
Amen
Dusk falls and the oaks shimmer. I’m in the bleachers watching pee-wee soccer. I think my kid just got hit in the face with the ball but who can tell. One thing they don’t tell you when you’re having unprotected intercourse with a waitress? The sound of your child’s fake-crying will be identical to the sound of any child fake-crying, anywhere in the world. I don’t...
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First Draft Twitter No. 002
Gosh what a nice healthy white baby you have there! Can I hold him for a sec?
» final draft
Heaven 17 / Temptation
I wrote about this song...
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First Draft Twitter No. 001
I don’t really care whether we have a boy or a girl, as long as it has ten fingers and—omg what have you done to him WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIS EYES
» final draft
At My Friend's House, 1986
Friend’s Mom: We just saw that movie, that Bueller Bueller movie?
Me: Yeah, that was good.
FM: Yes and that guy really reminded me of you.
M: [giddily] Really? Yeah I guess I am sort of like Ferris—
FM: No, not him, the other one, his friend?
M: [shoulders slump] You mean Cameron.
FM: Yes! You’re just like him!
M: Yeah. I know.
The Shameless Kiss of Vanity
Remember that night when we were in your car (or rather your father’s bright red BMW with an extremely expensive stereo with a — and I am not exaggerating here — an auto-reverse tape deck [which, to the uninitiated, would fucking flip itself over when Side One was done {no I’m not kidding}]) and anyway remember when we were listening to the Disintegration cassette and this...
Space / Female of the Species
Garbage / Cherry Lips
Dog Sitter Five Dollar OBO
I never said I was the best dog sitter in the neighborhood I just said I was the most affordable. The flyers were pretty clear on this point. So when you fill out your police report or whatever please just do me a favor and mention the flyer which stated, in no uncertain comic sans, that I do not particularly like dogs or understand their ways but I definitely have a big cage in my garage that is...
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