It’s my birthday today and it’s Christian Bale’s, too. Christian Bale is exactly one year younger than I am. This is a guy with muscles and a career. This is a man. When I see him on the screen I don’t think: Oh look at this young whippersnapper. I think: Maybe one day, if I start working out and get my shit together, I’ll grow up to be like him. I liked it better...
My father was stabbed in the neck with a meat thermometer. The paramedic said his temperature was medium well at time of death. When I forced his arms into a less terrifying position, I felt the pack of cigarettes in his coat pocket. That was the day I started smoking in earnest. It was no longer an affectation but a desperate sucking.
You Win, Internet
OK, Internet, I bought the heavily discounted box set of The Wire — the best show in the history of television — on Amazon today, just like you told me to. It should arrive in 5-9 days. I won’t ever watch it, but I promise to put it somewhere prominent in my house so all my visitors can see it. Now will you shut the fuck up?
jimbennett: So I put that down because I might’ve gotten super depressed if I’d read even a little bit further, but I wanted to read SOMETHING so I’ve started on Kevin Fanning’s archives, which I’ve delayed for a long time, and and so far it’s pretty fucking depressing too. I know that kfan is a funny dude, so I’m hoping it’ll cheer me up later on,...
Short movies based on Twitter posts, number one in a series of one. Surely Nick can pick up the gauntlet. Or maybe Merlin — he’s clearly desperate for a reason to use his video camera.
There are some sentences that you never expect to read, and some sentences that don’t make a lick of sense, and some sentences that could only exist today. This one, which just appeared in my inbox, is all three: “Fran Drescher (frandrescher) is now following your updates on Twitter.”
Inauguration Twitter UNCUT
Favreau enjoys a quiet smoke on his hotel balcony. He checks his watch and knows that Barack is saying our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness right this instant. He’d fought pretty hard for “patchwork.” The other writers wanted “melting pot” and he let them know in no uncertain terms how much they disgusted him. He hears muffled giggling from his room, where five busty Poli Sci...
Has anyone ever done an authentic for-reals spit take? One time I was at a Wendy’s in Los Angeles, about to go see a concert that, in hindsight, is fairly impressive-sounding: Sonic Youth with Mudhoney and Pavement (whom I’d never heard of) opening, and Kurt Cobain coming out in between and playing “In the Pines” (I think) on acoustic guitar. It was at Castaic Lake which...
out of woman come the man / spend rest of his life getting back where he can– I just now got what Peter Gabriel’s saying here. He is just filthy.
I just did a search for “monkey diaper” — as is my God-given right — and here’s the first result.
There’s this word you keep meaning to use but you just can’t seem to get the hang of it, and that word is “complement.” Get in the game, internet! Anyway I didn’t come here to tell you that, I came here to say that I read somewhere that David Byrne added the little a cappella choral intro thing to “Road to Nowhere” because the song itself was basically...