March 2013
1 post
Mar 5th
43 notes
January 2013
1 post
Jan 31st
82 notes
December 2012
1 post
Dec 13th
193 notes
November 2012
5 posts
Nov 14th
54 notes
My barber lost his legs in Korea. He will only do one of the ten styles shown on the ancient poster taped above the cash register. He stares at nothing while I make my decision, which takes forever. I finally settle on The Junior Executive and am immediately filled with buyer’s remorse. He uses a straight razor on my sideburns and I get a good close look at his tobacco-stained fingers. You ever...
Nov 9th
84 notes
Nov 7th
104 notes
Nov 2nd
128 notes
Nov 1st
50 notes
Nov 1st
37 notes
September 2012
5 posts
Sep 18th
44 notes
Sep 12th
63 notes
Sep 11th
155 notes
Sep 8th
224 notes
A quintessential exchange in the most recent...
Scott: Does that make sense? Is it too convoluted? I dunno. Merlin: No I think it’s not convoluted enough.
Sep 6th
31 notes
August 2012
3 posts
Aug 12th
64 notes
1 tag
Aug 10th
73 notes
Fellow Mortals
My friend Dennis is kind of infuriating. He’s smart and funny. He’s a good husband and father. He gets up early to work out. He’s really into boxing and Baroque music. He makes furniture. He grows giant pumpkins in his yard at a competitive level. He’s basically a man, which is gross. Worst of all, he’s a good writer. And his novel Fellow Mortals is being published by Farrar, Straus and Giroux....
Aug 8th
37 notes
July 2012
4 posts
The song “Iron Man” was originally entitled “Iron Bloke.” Upon hearing the main guitar riff for the first time, Osbourne remarked that it sounded “like a big iron bloke walking about.” The title was later changed to “Iron Man.”
Jul 20th
41 notes
Jul 19th
70 notes
Jul 11th
138 notes
Jul 8th
83 notes
June 2012
5 posts
┬┴┴
The folks taught her to erect a second roof when building a desert shelter. Balsam fir resin makes an excellent antiseptic for treating cuts and abrasions. Douse bait with cod liver oil. Disguise your scent with the smoke from green pine needles on a campfire. Cattails are one of the most abundant and best-tasting plants out there. The Pileated Woodpecker digs his home facing east. Also:...
Jun 26th
63 notes
╓╫╨
The thing at her bedroom window asks if she’s ready. She does a quick mental inventory of her backpack: Birdcall Compass/signal mirror Thomas Guide of the tunnels underneath Crab Mountain Mora knife emblazoned with her heraldic badge (merman impaling the sun w/trident) Midol Teen Formula The makings of a false nose Eight fortune cookie fortunes all saying the same thing (A smooth...
Jun 20th
68 notes
It is mid-afternoon, mid-September. He drifts through the mining district where rickety scaffolds burrow down into the undercity. The southern stretch of bungalows where latchkey kids skin knees against sprinkler heads. The ports where tuna purseiners are just now returning home with sad exhausted diesel drones. The salt refineries along the estuary, flanked by stinking brine sluiceways and...
Jun 19th
55 notes
Jun 8th
99 notes
Jun 3rd
143 notes
May 2012
3 posts
May 15th
168 notes
May 7th
84 notes
Hello I Am Your Grandma, Part II
For reals I just called Heath Ledger “Heather Locklear.” (previously)
May 7th
44 notes
April 2012
7 posts
Apr 20th
78 notes
Apr 19th
96 notes
Most Played Songs On My iTunes
Super weird. Kate Bush / Man With The Child In His Eyes Nine Inch Nails / The Perfect Drug Fleetwood Mac / Big Love (Live) Dead Can Dance / Indus The Donnas / Take It Off Tenacious D / Double Team Kelly Clarkson / Since U Been Gone
Apr 13th
23 notes
Manly Tips from Manny
Manny Petroski, I like the cut of your jib! Shave It Like You Mean It “Visualize your face gleaming in the sky like some kind of Greek god just blowing everyone’s minds.” Let’s Talk Socks! with Dr. David Carrigan “Just checking in on my favorite sockspert for his latest sockgestions and sockommendations!” How to Rock That Treadmill’s World “It...
Apr 13th
20 notes
Apr 12th
24 notes
1 tag
Apr 5th
55 notes
Apr 4th
165 notes
March 2012
6 posts
When I was fourteen I got ten cassettes for a penny from Columbia House. They made me into the “man” I am today. Crowded House / Crowded House The Cult / Electric The Cure / The Head on the Door Hoodoo Gurus / Mars Needs Guitars Hüsker Dü / Warehouse: Songs and Stories R.E.M. / Fables of the Reconstruction R.E.M. / Lifes Rich Pageant The Smiths / Louder Than Bombs The The /...
Mar 27th
87 notes
Mar 26th
67 notes
Mar 11th
164 notes
Mar 9th
5 notes
1 tag
Mar 7th
52 notes
Hello I Am Your Grandma
For reals I just called Justin Timberlake “Jason Tumberland.”
Mar 5th
83 notes
February 2012
7 posts
Feb 25th
234 notes
Feb 23rd
33 notes
Feb 20th
49 notes
Feb 14th
46 notes
Hot Salami
Sometimes in this life you stumble upon the perfect girl and she turns out to live in another country. No big whoop you just ask her out on an internet date. Neither of you knows what that means but it turns out to be watching movies at the same time while chatting on IM. Below is how that chat started. It ended about seven hours later. (Actually, it’s still going today, now that I think...
Feb 14th
135 notes
Feb 2nd
105 notes
Feb 1st
49 notes
January 2012
11 posts
Jan 30th
41 notes