Hulk saw a phrase pop up again and again in the national dialogue calling Fast Six ‘not a good movie, but an enjoyable one.’ And Hulk couldn’t disagree more.
We have somehow become a culture that only equates good with overt seriousness. Which is a shame because Hulk would argue the last two Fast movies, while incredibly dumb on so many levels, are still two of the most functional summer popcorn movies that Hulk has seen in, like, years.
You may laugh at that word ‘functional,’ but to Hulk it’s one of the best words in all of moviedom. It means the film works, dammit. It means it is engineered properly and does exactly what it sets out to do.
They dramatize all the stakes and spell out exactly what’s happening without a hint of obfuscation. They make overtly sexual movies that at least have the dignity to give their female characters agency and independence outside of scotch-taping them to the men’s stories. They are movies that know how to execute all the basics flawlessly and Hulk would argue that’s the reason they’ve become ridiculously popular and beloved. It’s because they are coherent, clear, classically told stories.
It’s because they actually are good movies."
Mattie:If you were a bank and were robbed you could not simply tell the depositors to go hang.
Stonehill:I do not entertain hypotheticals, the world as it is is vexing enough.
[yawn] [stretch] [delete everything I ever posted on the internet]
Henry Texas Comes Alive!
My pal Ken Flagg is writing a new song every week for 52 weeks. Desperate, he asked if I’d write something and record myself reading it so he could skip coming up with lyrics for a week. Some of the stories I posted here recently were aborted attempts at that, but we decided the one about Henry, Texas could work.
Give it a listen and check out his other tunes while you’re there. They’re not all super creepy!
I was about to get all indignant about someone telling ME where MY made-up characters come from but … but I think you’re right. STORY UPDATED
I must call your attention to an important change I made to a recent story posted here entitled The Sex Restaurant.
The Croc-wearing man originally had a chest tattoo that said BUSH SIXTEEN STONE because a song from that album (“Everything Zen”) was playing on the cruddy internet radio station at work as I was writing the story. Then I thought that might be confusing or off-putting so I changed it to BUSH GLYCERINE which I found to be an evocative phrase, particularly when tattooed upon a chest.
But then I thought maybe no one even remembers that song so I changed it to WIERD AL, hoping the “randomness” and misspelling would make the reader … well, not laugh, certainly, but perhaps nod with grim satisfaction?
But just now I remembered I made the character British at the last minute and thought Bush, being a British band (although not successful in the UK) would be a more appropriate chest tattoo and so I have changed it back to BUSH GLYCERINE, which I always preferred. If you perchance read the story the other day and found it lacking, I encourage you to revisit it and see it in a whole new light.
P.S. I shall never forget my friend Bob and I listening to “Everything Zen” when it came out and being confused because it was loud and heavy and guitar-y like the bands we liked, so why was it so awful? We couldn’t articulate it but knew we were in trouble.